Wednesday 15 January 2014

Happiness , right now = single parent .

Right now today , yesterday and last week . I'm happy ! 

For the first time in a really long time , I'm not wishing I had something , I'm not missing anything and I don't feel guilty about anything . I'm just happy . 

Now there's plenty of people , who tar me with a brush that says ' your a single mum , your lazy, your unhappy , your a scrounger , uneducated, selfish , it's all your fault you put yourself here '. 

 That's ok they can think them things . 

In actually fact I've struggled with those comments , feelings and self doubts . 

But when I woke on on Monday morning , I realised I'm happy ,. Pure and simply happy . 

I am one very lucky women . I have a stunning daughter who amazes me everyday. I get daily hugs and kisses from a person who loves me with there whole heart. I get to watch a person explore the world and help them on that journey . 

I have true friends , proper friends for the first time in my life . They are truly amazing to put up with my talking habits ;-)! 

I have an amazing family . With are bonds getting stronger everyday . 

I have dreams , I have goals and I'm working towards them :-). 

I have my health and I have strength . 

I have hope , I have belief and I have a smile I'm not afraid to use . 

I'm happy and right now for me , this happiness has come from the good and the times the last 18 months as a single mum has taught me . 

I wouldn't change this happiness for anything !!! 

Sunday 5 January 2014

Get squiggling - ceebies !

So the programme get squiggling on ceebies , is a big big hit in this house !

My daughter has been singing her ABCs for a few months now . Just recently has decided she is interested in learning to write !

We were playing noughts and crosses one day and out he blue she decided she wanted to write letters !

Now ever time agent squiggling comes on the telly , it's a rush to get our pen and paper ready !

She sits and draws what she sees and can hear . It's a great way to start a morning. I do hope she always had this thirst for learning .

Now my next task is to make her apron which can hold her crayons because in her words she needs one just like the bear on get squiggling!

Saturday 4 January 2014

Rainy days !

So we have a flat full of toys , books , paints and puzzles . My daughter loves to speand days playing with all the things we have . We are very lucky !

We can watch DVDs , we can play games we can cook !

I don't mind the odd day in the week were we stay at home . I think it's good for little miss. It gives her a day where she has my whole attention . We can do things she loves !

She has loved this rainy weather . We walk the dogs in the forset in our waterproofs . We splash in puddles . We watch disney movies . We have play dates in other people's houses occasionally.  We play lots of games . We build train tracks .

I however am finding it a bit tedious now !

I think maybe because we have just had Christmas , money is tight. We can't get out as much as we like , I'd rather save our fuel for days were we can go to the beach , meet friends or go to the libary .

With the cost of fuel , then any activity like soft play at the lowest price of £1.50 up to £4.95.
Or swimming at £4.30. It just seems your always paying out.

I talk to my friends regularly on social media sites and texts throughout the day. But with all the rainy days and the Christmas period it am sometimes feel like we don't see anyone on a daily basis .

I think that maybe winter is a hard time for many , we are all juggling finances . Heating, food , fuel it all adds up .

My daughter ris happy tot sit and play for hours . Well sometimes 10 mins without asking questions , asking for helping or wanting to play with me .

I have speant the rainiy days so far sewing , studying, chatting and playing with,y daughter. I've loved it .

But as there are a lot more rainingy days to come . I'm starting to crave some adult time. I would love to go to the cinemas, out for dinner with adults or bowling.  All things thati know cost money .

I'm going to save a bit everyday so next week I can go out and do these thing or at least one.

There's on,y so many rainy days I can take . Only so many children's activitys . Only so much extended fa,ily time .

I need quality time with my friends child free for a few hours .

Ill be back to 100% very soon I know . That sun wil be shining before we know it !!

Friday 3 January 2014

Words can hurt !

I'd like to sit here and say , that words don't hurt .  Especially words that come from past loves or people who have wronged you .

But it's just not true sometimes the words people say hurt . Maybe it's looking at someone you once loved and shared you life with .

Over the past year and half . I've heard the words ' I don't love you anymore ' , ' your not a nice person ' , ' your selfish'. . I've heard them all !

Today I heard , ' I just didn't want to live with you ' .

They hurt for a split second . But I amit they hurt .

Then I remembered I'm the happiest I've ever been and thankful for being here in the place with my daughter .

So although those words hurt ,n they didn't matter . They didn't matter because the smile from my daughter can wash away any hurtful words in a second :-)

Christmas 2013 ... We loved your!

                 It was full of smiles and laughter :-).  
                 It was full of family and friends . 
                 There wasn't a single moment of sadness . 
                  Yes we did open presents , but it was about being together ! 
                  This was the my daughter 3 rd Christmas the 2 Nd just us two. 
                   It was perfect :-)!!! 

Thursday 2 January 2014

Questions ?!

So the night has come I'm on my own .
No little miss.
I'm tired .
I feel Lonley .
I'm annoyed .
And I'm debating if I've made the right choices along the way.

I have questions I'm not sure I can ever find the answers to !

Is it easier being a single mum in your teenager years ?

In you early twenties ?

In your thirties ?

In your forties ?!

Is it ever easy ?

Are we always judged ?

Are we always wrong ?

Do we always have to give up things ?!

I'm craving that freedom , that freedom to do what I like when I like .  That freedom of being single with out commitments.

No I don't want to give up my daughter . No I don't ever for a second wish I never had her . I'm a better person for her . In fact I'm the happiest I've ever been , all down to her .

I choice to have my daughter youngish ! I chosse to stop my career where it was  as family was more important !
I made to choice to not my daughter in nursery .  Do I regret it no .

I think we can always wonder can't we . We can always imagine what the other side is like .

Would be making opposite descions would I have reached my goals earlier . Would I be happier ?

Would I still be lonely  at items ?

Would I have found someone who loves and respects me by now ?

The simple fact is I wouldn't change the realonship I have with my daughter for the world .

Sod I feel that being a single parent has help this bond then , the answer is yes !

I think the hard times have made us stronger , I think the Lonley times have made me , happier in the busy times .

So yes tonight I sit on my own . And yes I wish I could be somewhere else , wish I could be with someone else .

But the rain dosent last forever . The sun will come out soon enough . These stormy days will soon be over .

All good things happen to those who wait right ?

Wednesday 1 January 2014

Weighing things up a bit

There's times  when the reality of what I've given up or had to adapt to my lifestyle . Hit me !

Today's one of them days !

I've always had friends , not lots but good friends . Most of my friends without children I have had fir years .

Before I had my daughter , I was at university working on a time consuming degree , struggling with balance a part time job and planning a wedding .

When I came home , I threw myself into a job which included working weekends , nights and evenings .
 Then I went on to take a job whilst pregenant that included working 5/6 nights a week .

At work I've always got along with my work colleagues but when it came to going out for drinks or partying the night away . It just seemed I'd be studying , saving money or having to get home to my family .

So I suppose even before I became a single parent , my social life was always limited due to my commitments .

I have made so many good friends since having my daughter . And even more so since becoming a single parent !

I can fill my day times with friends and things to do !  We have a great active social life in daytimes.  I love it . It suits us at this moment in time just fine ! Perfect even .

So on that rare occasion when I'm child free of an evening . I try and make plans and be busy .

When them plans change or get cancelled I always feel a but Lonley .

I love the idea of starting a exercise class but can't commit regularly .  But I think tommorow I will go for a run or go swimming . Some adult time .

When I look at it I'm happy that are daytimes ate full , I also under stand that this time is just a phrase and I will in time get my social life back !!