Thursday, 31 October 2013

Getting ready for winter making bird seed cakes :-)

I've wanted to make cakes for the birds for ages . So decided it would be a great activity to do with little miss !

 With the bird seed costing 99p and the lard 28 p it was a fantastic cheap activity to do . With lots left over to do again !

Keeping warm , trying not to use the heating !!

We don't have central heating in our flat , we have expensive electric heating . So I am trying not to switch it on till we really need too !

 So just a few items we have are :

  • Fleece Pjs , onesies for little miss ! 
  • Extra thick socks 
  • Dressing gowns 
  • Rugs on the floors
  • Draught excluders 
  • Lined curtains 
  • Lots of blankets for our beds 
  • Matters toppers designed to keep you cool in summer and warm in winter
  • And hot water bottles ! One for the sofa , one for mummy's bed and a wheat filled owl for little miss ! 
I know we will have to put the heating on at some point and I would never let my little miss get cold , just to save a few penny's ! 
But if the winter of 2012/2013 is anything to go by it will set in cold and stay that way a long time . So I don't want to get use to something that quite simply we can't afford to have on the all the time ! 

We also try to get out and use places like the library which are warm and cozy ! 

Saturday, 26 October 2013

Small achievements : puzzles

I went bargain hunting and found n orchard toys big aeroplane puzzle for little miss . She loves puzzles and I'm always on the luck out for new ones to spice things up a bit .

She started work with nana . Now nana made her work hard she would tell her what colours and shapes/objects were on the next piece . Little miss had to find them ! 

I was worried she would lose patience or wouldn't be able to do it ! 

I was amazed nana made her work hard and she did it ! 

Yes being two she did dance around get distracted but she did it !! 

Well done little girl ! 

Friday, 25 October 2013

Learning what's real , what's just bad experience and what's feels right !

Of all the places for me to have a thinking spree . Today it was the turn of the exercise mat .

 I've found lately or felt like I've speant a lot of time on my corner of the sofa .  Probably no more than normal and the majority of the time I'm sitting I'm knitting or sewing .

But in winter I always get the body blues . That really isn't what I was going to wrote about but explains how I ended up on my exercise mat in my 3 child free hours this week.

Maybe the exercise mat reminds me of this time last year when I felt the only way to have any control was to control my body . If I could lose all that baby weight and co ft weight . If I could go though the pain of pushing you body to your limits. I wouldn't have to deal with the fact other things hurt .
 That those hours of sleep I so des partly needed weren't coming . Those answers today I really wanted and needed couldn't be found . Maybe if I became the size I was before my daughter was born maybe I could recreate the situation where I would feel wanted again .

This time last year I went searching I went searching for something I'd lost .
 I wanted that someone who made me feel ,I've someone remembered I was here everyday.

I didn't need a father for my daughter.  I wanted what I had lost before things went wrong . I wanted someone to text me everyday , just because they wanted to hear from me . I wanted someone who wanted to spend my child free time with . I wanted to feel 23 again .  I wanted to crack open that evening dress those high heels and see the outside world past 6 pm again .  But without causing and leaving any damage to me and more importantly my daughter .

I found that someone it was great for a while . It was what I needed . It helped me though those early days of leaving my daughter . It taught me that I had done nothing wrong . It taught me that I was attractive . It taught me that I didn't need to change . It gave me confidence  and it made me feel me again .

Yes when it needed I cried , I was sad . But that last 1 hour of a glass of wine with a friend .

I became more accepting of my situation . I know in my hear too hearts that I'm lucky because I have the chance to love and be loved agin .
I also know I'm lucky I'm only 24.  I'm not sad and I'm not searching . I'm accepting and learning what I want .

Now I have what I wanted , I have that person who cares . I can't tell you that it will go anywhere , I can't tell you it will last . I can't tell you I won't get hurt .

I can tell you that I'm a strong lady in my own right , I don't need a man . But I'm honest with you , I would love to feel loved my someone again and I would love to love someone again .

I am scared , I am realistic  and I'm honest to the point of self distraction . Because the last year has taught me be yourself , when your scared admit it to yourself .
When you wanna cry , cry !

When you wanna run , find that thing that will realise that frustration .

When you feel unwanted and alone . Look around . Look out your window there's every chance in the world for you . Go out and get it !!

People will never be in the same situation as you , never at the same time but it dosent mean you aren't understood or wanted by them .

Now this honest post comes from the fact that I had a moment of doubt on my exercise mat .  That something I wanted hasn't texted today .  If you had caught me a year  ago I would have told you it's because they had forgot I existed or had found someone better .

Today I tell you there busy with their on goings and that text will come .

It's a lesson I've learnt on my rollercoster and it feels good to write it down and let go !!

Shaving foam sensory play !

A spot of shaving foam for 28 p a can and some food colouring ( optional). Squirt it in a tub , we used are outside play table at Nana's house . 

Best thing is the foam just washes away with water . Caution food colouring stains !!! Learnt that when she applied a shaving foam beard to her face :-). 

And let little miss explore , mummy and nana too ! 

She started with the spade then hands right in there ! 

Laughing away whilst she washed the foam of in the water :-). 

Trying to blow the foam . She had so much fun . Modelling , stirring , painting , stamping , washing and drawing with the foam .m

Thursday, 24 October 2013

Enjoying the garden at west moors children's centre :-)

We don't have a garden were we live , so the idea of a safe secure area where my daughter can play outside in all weathers really appeals .  West moors children centre is just the place for this . 

They have this section of garden with grass , a small hill , water feature and lots of sensory play items such as wind chimes e.t.c 

My daughter loves exploring and seeing if she can find any bugs :-). 

They also have playhouse full of play food and play kitchen . My daughter spent ages playing in here . 

Cute moment when she carried a plate over to me singing happy birthday :-). 

They also have an undercover section for chairs and bikes . The centre can provide Wellies and all in one suits for rainy weather .  They also have an indoor section where children can play with toys e.t.c

We love the garden tho . This is where lone parent group is held every 1st and 3 rd Thursday of the month 10-11. 

After the storm has passed there's sunshine !

Tuesday storms across Dorset , Wednesday sunshine .  I looked to sky and all I could think was ' after the storm has passed there's sunshine'.

 In that moment I thought how true that is to the experiences of the last year .  After every difficult moment I have always found a reason to smile , something to be grateful for and a reason to keep on the rollercoster .

I love these moments of clarity . Those simple things in life teaching us what we need :-).

Tuesday, 22 October 2013

Watching her first storm together

We've just watched are first storm together . Of course there's been other in her life time . But this is the first one that has landed when we can watch together .

We're in a first floor flat so great viewing platform .

At first she wasn't too interested and I kind thought that would set the scene . So I turned the telly back on .

But as the flashes and rumbles got lounder/brighter she too notice .

'Look mummy there's a big flash' . 'Oh I hear a noise' . ' (screams of excitement) more flashes'

On of the cutest moments was when the heavy rain cut the tv signal out . She asked me to take her to window , once there she said ' goodbye storm.' Then turned around to me and said ' mummy I said goodbye , will tv work now ' .

We facetimed nana on the phone to tell her all about it , even though she's only 5 mins away now .

My daughter dosent at this present time have things she's scared of and I'm glad she enjoyed this expernice .

To some they may wonder why I wrote about this . For me I wana remember those excited screams and cite sayings . The tiniest of things bring the biggest smiles !!

Mid lighting flash photo :-)

Yet another memory , love this life !!! 

Review : Ozeri gree earth pan 8"

Currently on special offer at £24.95. 

The packaging on this pan is very stylish and there's not much of it which is great . 

I first used this pan to cook onions and found it easy to heat up and cook with . 

We eat a lot of omelettes in this house hold , so I put the pan to the test on this next . 

For the first time in ages I didn't burn the omelette and the pan was the perfect size for this ! 

It was easy to wash up after use and looks stylish in the cupboard . 

All in all we found this pan did the job and liked the fact it was Eco friendly . 

Disclaimer : we were kindly given this Ozeri green frying pan to review  in return for an honest review . 

Sunday, 20 October 2013

Sunday afternoon game play

Little miss fell asleep after a busy morning playing , she woke around 5pm .

I was a little nervous she would be grumpy and all tho she didn't want to eat .she was in a fantastic mood and really wanted me to play with here:-).

After a couple of rounds of row row your boat we moved on to board games and puzzles :-).

My desire to find a bargain and my love of the nearly new children's sales . Means we have a range of puzzles games that I've only paid a few pence for . Perfect for a toddler who is puzzle, game mad. 

It was a lovely few hours before bedtime . I had that moment clarity when you look at your child and realise no matter what your feeling , going though , how hard things may be . Your child if you shower them with love and time no no different . S

We went ...

Today we went to church .  I have always been on the edge when it comes to what I believe .

I like the knowing that when the hard times come , I have a place to go and something to believe in .

Many of my friends are strong in the faith , they live by the rules and they attend there place of worship regularly .

I've always been in envy when those lonely times come of those who have a community to fallback on .

Today I went to church . I choose this church because online I had seen they have a crèche in a separate room , with audio to the service and a window to see .

We sat with everyone else but little miss was restless so we spent most of the service in the crèche .  Little miss was worn out from playing with there fantastic range of toys . And for me I got to sit on the sidelines and take what I needed from the service .

I don't come from a family of strong believers in faith . So for me to go today was a big step . I'm not saying it will be right for us , but without trying how will we know .

Today we did it , we haven't told are family , we won't tell our friends just yet . But we did it, we went to church and enjoyed it !!

Saturday, 19 October 2013

Saturday morning = friends and park !!

My beautiful friends husband was working today ,  bonus for us is we got to have some saturday fun at the park !!!

 Perfect !!!!!

We got to feed the ducks , and hide from the scary geese !! 

Get wet bottoms going down the rainy slide !! 

Play shops , in the play house ! 

And a cheeky stop at the coffee shop for cake and tea !! 
Two happy mummy's and two happy toddlers :-)!! 

This is just a phrase just like every other one

You know , you've taken them to the park , you've treated them to cake , they've speant time with the friends . It's wasn't an effort you enjoyed doing it .

 Then the throwing themsleves on the floor starts , just because . The crying over a crayon , the I'm not going to walk anymore . There making it hard as possible .

That's when you rember there only 2 . They need to learn ,there testing the boundaries , waiting for you reaction .

We all go though it as parents , we all did it to are parents , we all learnt and we all found our feet.

It's just a phrase . The same as the I'm going scream at 2 am to play stage , the same as I'm not going to eat that stage , the same as I won't share my toys stage .

On the bad days you feel hurt , even close to angry . Why are they doing this ? Everyone is full of advice , that you simple don't want .

On the good days you remember that you will see the other side , just like you did all the others :-).

Tuesday, 15 October 2013

Sometimes weekends be lonely

A myth , the truth or just the way a lot of us single parents feel . Who knows but here's my view !

 Weekends when I was married were family time , I had to be home ( or made sure) I was home by at latest 3pm on a Friday . My husband would be home , it was family time . Even if we didn't have major plans , even of it was just boring chores . It was family time and if I made plans without checking I'd feel bad !

 When I became a single parent , weekends were no longer family time . Weekends were painful , they hurt , I felt alone , sad and wishing them to be over !!!

Maybe it would be different if I had A big family , if Sundays were a huge family roast round the table , but it's never been that way in our family . To be fair before my daughter it was e who worked all weekend!!

As a single parent in that first year I dreaded weekends . Give me a Monday moring any day , could we just squeeze on more day in between before Friday .

You see at a weekend , people return to there family's . You go to the park or the shop it's couples , family's . You see a person on there own you look down to there're left hand to see if there's a ring on it !!  You feel alone , scared and judged !!

I'm not the only one to feel this , many many of the single parents I have meet, spoke to and been a listening ear to feel this way !

For those of us who have come out of a realonship were you have once had these happy times , you grieve . You grieve for those times , for those feelings and what could have been . It's dosent matter if you've done the right thing or your happier now . It hurts !!!

I remember the first time I took my little girl to a family attraction on a weekend on my own . I felt sick ,  I felt like everyone was looking at me , I felt people would judge me  . It was hard , I felt low , I was tired but I did it , my daughter had a fantastic time . I had done it !!

Over a year on weekends can still be lonely , I still feel like I'm forgotten sometimes .

But the greatest advice I gave been given or have given other people is get up and out !

A walk , the park , a car journey a fun day . Learn to enjoy them lazy Sundays , put a DVD on snuggle , find a hobby .

It's ok to feel this way , it's ok to be sad , it's ok to grieve . Just know its ok !!!!

We've visited a lot of parks this week !

Maybe it's because I'm really going to miss the mild days .
Maybe it's because we don't attend playgroup everyday now .
Maybe it's because I feel guilty we don't have a garden .
Maybe it's because we love the fresh air .
Maybe it's because I want to wear little miss out .
Or maybe it's because I love them too .

 But we have been to a outdoor play park everyday this week , rain or shine !!!

We've been too ...... Poole park , Pottern park in Verwood , Calvers play park in Ringwood , Littledown park in bournemouth .

Sunday, 13 October 2013

Discovering a new library

We love library's ! My daughter absolute loves books , we have bookcases full at out flat and at Nana's house . I don't blame her for loving books , I do too !! 

I have been taking her to our local library in Verwood since 3 months for Rhyme time , we both learnt are nursery rhymes from there . 
In January we discovered Ferndown library, bigger than Verwood  library with lots more books to discover .  In winter you could often fins us in there for a few hours at a time . 

So having moved to the border of a new county , I decided we should pop on the local library . 
I thought it might have an ok children's section , it would be good maybe some different books . Didn't have high hopes . 

How wrong could I be ?!?! 

My little miss ran in , as excited as could be .  Straight to the colouring table , with paper and crayons .
All that could be heard when I was signing us up at the desk , was mummy I'm colouring , I'm happy . 

She got her own little card , well 3 actually two able to go on key rings . 

She was so very excited about the colouring it took a full half an hour for her to notice the books !!  After potty training little miss I always got a little nervous staying too long in a place without a toilet , such as other two library's I mentioned . 
But this library has a toilet  and a children's centre built in !!! 

They run regularly story times, rhymes times and special events for half term . 
There's a huge selection of cushions, beanbags, sofas and bookcases to choose from . 

You can take up to 30 items out at one time for 4 weeks .  We came away with 11 books to read , with plans to return for a few more this week . 

Local library's are great free places to visit and what's great is in a children's section there's no pressure to keep your little one quiet . 

Friday, 11 October 2013

A spot of fresh air

Adjusting to not being able to drive everywhere you want and having to ask people for lifts takes a lot of getting used too !!!

  So in day two of no car to borrow , little miss decided she didn't what to leave our flat !!

With it being such a lovely day outside , I some how manged to with the help of the mention of the park get her out the flat !!

Of we set !!
Taking a dolphin for a walk ! 

Drawing in the sand with sticks , circles here we come ! 

My stunning little girl with an acorn ! 

What are this mummy ? What are they for ? Why do the animals eat them ? 

Spiders webs