Thursday, 26 September 2013

Family photo

A family photo of myself and my our kids !!!

A photo to look back on in a few years a smile , a photo for my parents mantelpiece !!

It's not very often that the three of us and the three kids are in the same place !!

So why did It hurt so bad to take part in this photo ?!  I love my family , niece and nephew . I love my brothers , although like all family's we argue and fall out from time to time .

It made me sad because on the other side of the photo is my brothers girlfriends !!

It has nothing personal to do with them .  It's purely ME.  I like hem and welcome them with open arms .

Butbhaving had the man I married who swore to stand by me or the rest of my life , who was an additional member of the family . To stand there and play happy families , is just too hard to do .

You will often find me on the room with the children rather than adults !!!

I have felt that love of another , I have felt that feeling of comfort , that feeling of pure happiness !!

I have also felt that emptiness , that utter low of feeling your heart break , of betrayal .

I have heard the words ' I just don't love you anymore' from a person who you would run into a burning building to save .

I gave up my job , my house , my car For my family and I would do it all over again , no regrets .

I am jealous of my brothers , they have what I lost , they have all I've ever wanted .  But I'm happy for them too , I wish them all the happiness in the world. I never ever want them to experience what I have felt . ( although being 6 years older than myself I'm sure that just a fantasy of saving the world from them).

So this moment , this photo , that garden , they hold happier memories for the people who will hold the photo close to there heart .  And I suppose when it comes down to it , we all want to protect are family and I will never tell my family when this photo hurts , because like all of the other feelings that came with my marriage break up they just don't need to hear how I feel .

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