The amount of times in the past year I've heard to words .....
' Your young , your lucky '
' Times a healer '
' I don't know how you do it ?'
' You' ve got a beautiful little girl , just think of that '
There's nothing wrong with these phrases , and there nothing but the truth .
But when you haven't slept due to a teething baby and all you want is a person is to say I know it sucks . They can be triggers rather them helpful .
The amount of times I would want to break down and cry in play groups , supermarkets or at home .
Choosing a pair of shoes could seem overwhelming , the sheer thought of getting up on with the day hurt .
I didn't give myself time to grieve , I go up and carried on . I cried behind close doors away from my family and daughter .
Living in a house which I shared with my family , a place I had shared with my husband , in the room. I had shared with him , in the bed I had shared with him , under duvet covers we had brought on honeymoon .
Getting up between 4-6 times a night with a teething toddler , who's regularly wake up call was 5 am
Feeling lost , hurt . Hard up on luck !!
Scared I would be stuck there forever , I would never meet anyone else , I would never get he chance to have anymore children , stranded .
And to top up all off , my nan s situation and health went down hill losing her in the October .
Leading me to feel guilty that I couldn't be there to support my mother at a time she needed it . I just couldn't hadle it , I didn't feel strong enough .
So those words ' times a healer ' , they felt like rubbish , they felt like a slap in the face .
What did I do wrong ? Why did I have to wait for time to heal the wounds , that shouldn't have been there in the first place ?
Why did I have to use every last piece of strength every moring to get up and out a smile in my face ? That one was easy to answer because I had a little girl who needed me :-).
A little over a year on , the words ' times a healer ' couldn't be more true !!!
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