I live in a village I only moved in June . It's an elderly community , with one playgroup running on a Wednesday moring by a lovely lady.
I knew these facts when I moved in , but with a school right behind me with a fantastic reputation ,I had to take it .
My car got stolen when I was 8 months pregenant and up on till my husband left I borrowed/ got drove around/ shared his car .
After he left I shared my mothers car, which was fine as we lived in the same house .
I used to walk to playgroups in the village, local library and shops . All my friends I had made were in the town , we were never stuck with things to do .
I have saved a bit of money and brought myself a little old run around when I moved into the flat . It had a years mot and 3 months tax. 4 new tyres . It was perfect for what I needed .
The view on it was if it breaks then I can't afford to fix it I never put more than half a tank of petrol in it.
Well last week it broke , costing to much to fix . So I cut my loses and scrapped it .
I have been borrowing my mothers car since when she doesn't need it . But there are some days when she needs the car and we live 15 mins away from each other .
Now I'm not moaning or complaing maybe just coming to terms with reality.
There is one bus that runs from the village, Moneywise it wouldn't be sensible to take the bus at £5 a fare for a 1 1/2 hour playgroup .
It's a new learning curve on this journey I am going on .
The reality that with my marriage split up some of those new friends I made can't hadle the fact things have change , we the never ending 'we will have to arrange a play date' with it never happening. That's ok , it's not there fault .
With friends retuning to work , or unable to drive or busy with new baby's . It can get pretty lonely at times .
I have Hobbys and am working towards making a go with a little craft business as soon as little miss is at pre-school .
I have just i have just finished my latest level 3 qualification and look forward to choosing my next to study .
I suppose it's missing that feeling of plodding along so happily in family life you don't notice the quiet times ,. Maybe it's the reality that without making a phone call to someone else or asking someone for help your on your own .
It wasn't just my husband that was taken away a year ago , it was my security , mthe feeeling hat someone knew I was here . That feeling that its ok someone does miss you , of being wanted .
Sometimes I wish I lived in a town I could walk to things but then I would miss the beautiful safe area I live in .
I am on a never ending journey of learning new things , adapting to what life throws at me , the guilt that comes with being a parent .
The reality that I till my daughter is in pre-school and I can return to the adult world , I'm on my own .
The losing my car was just another reminder that , those luxurys we have seem so essential can be taken from us so easily .
Just another reminder that I am on a rollercoster and I not sure what the next bump will be ,or what emotions/feelings that will create .
Your post really struck a cord with me. Loneliness is a real modern issue and it is one that I think really impacts mothers, especially those who stay at home. Hang in there, you are clearly a strong person.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words Stephanie .
DeleteI think you very right loneliness is all to common . I feel sometimes by one person being strong another to say how they feel it helps others who may be in same situation .
Once again thank you for those kind words .
Honey i can so relate to your story i too was in the very same position with my daughter who is now 12. I know its difficult but i am sending massive hugs, things will get better x
ReplyDeleteThank you for you lovely comment , hugs accepted and gratefully recived .
DeleteIt always helps me to know people have been here and where they are now . I really appreciate youbtakingbthe time to comment ( may have shed a tear ). X
This is such a difficult situation. I too was in a very similar one and there would be days where I felt so desperate. Life moves on, it changes. Eventually I was lucky enough to find someone new. I am certain you have so many good times ahead. Thank you for linking to PoCoLo x
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you're making the best of a very difficult situation. With all that you are doing I'm sure that things will get better and you'll gradually build a support network as you daughter gets older.
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to your feelings and I have a husband here. We moved to a new area just under two years ago and I feel so lonely. I also have no car and I feel terrible asking my mum to make a 60 minute round trip to take me to appointments etc. Just wanted to send you some hugs x
ReplyDeleteThank you Jane . I'm sending some back too .
ReplyDeleteI noticed alot of the time I will say things in groups/friends /blog/anywhere and people feel the same or can relate .
It's nice to know that moment of feeling down and alone . Your not the only person ever to feel that !! X
I can so relate to parts of what you wrote. especially to the roller coaster and the fragility of everything. We went through a difficult time a few years back that left me with those same feelings. I am still licking my wounds and healing, and am surprised every single time how little I have moved forward.
ReplyDeleteI wish you luck, and that you move forward faster than me :)